I Wished (even though i knew i should wait)

I began the day by wishing i would see Brother Xu today. Yesterday was the last day to celebrate lunar new year, so today was a good day for him to return home and come online. But although i waited and hoped against hope, it didn’t happen. instead it was a very quiet day, i didn’t see anyone i knew beyond formal greetings. so it was Xian Nian Kuai Le and Gong He Fat Choi to those I haven’t seen since New Year. I did see Smokey last night, he sent me an article about the chinese policeman who shot the black guy in the project staircase. all the chinese people…well, not all. but a very large amount of chinese people are demanding “justice” for the chinese policeman who is being tried as he should be, for the death of the black guy. let the case be heard and then decide. we they heard the case and the chinese felt that the chinese policeman was being persecuted and prosecuted because he was chinese. so they have organanized to show support for him, and raised stupid money for him and this policeman who has killed someone is in their mind the victim. the is one brave chinese woman in the CAAV organization who supports the family of the murdered black man. she is really a brave woman.

so i read the article brother smokey send from china, and i said there has to be one justice for everyone. i found there was even more to the story, the chinese policeman had a partner with him, who testified against him. but my apolitical homies feel that the chinese policeman is a victim because white policemen kill black men and they don’t go to jail but this policeman will go to jail because he’s chinese. i just shake my head.

my people, my people.

so i hope that this chinese policeman will stay safe in jail but i also hope he will admit to himself what he did, and understand that dead back man is the real victim in this story. and i hope other asian brothers will understand that although you THINK you are one of the boys and can do everything the whites do, you are still chinese.

all lives matter, black, white, asian, native american and latino.too many people in this country are being killed. gold mother, protect us, open our eyes.








Tall Yellow Sista

I wanted to write this blog for months. i got the idea watching some TV program about a girl who wrote a popular blog. i knew i could write because in the old days, a couple of weeks or months ago, i used to write about my life as a an Asian student in high school. a serious skater, a Taoist  and a member of a Chinatown cultural group.

but now my right hand didn’t work. it sat limply by my side. i was like, wow.it was serious. and slowly things came back to me, being in the hospital, asking someone to take me home, but that someone would not or could not.

now i was home. i was sitting in front of the t.v. with my hand in my lap. i was realizing my hand couldn’t move, and i had been in the hospital for a few weeks. when i got my strength back, i was going to type on the computer about what had happened to me.

what had happened? i just know that after some time i came home. i mostly sat in a chair until my brother came home from work. i know a nurse came and stayed with me till my brother came home. the days were all jumbled together. i had to get needles like in the hospital.

somehow i knew, that if i stayed strong, i would come through it.

it was a test.