i found this page a few days ago, don’t ask me how. as my mind falls into place, there seems to be a pattern to it.
1) i don’t know, and i don’t know i don’t know, so life is at an even pace.
2) i don’t know and i know i don’t know. people are familiar but i don’t know who or why.
3) i know a little bit. i recognize a few people. i know the who and why about them.
4) i know some people. i recognize them. i can remember the last time i saw them, and the first time i saw them. usually i remember them since the crash, but there has been one or two that i remember as things that took place in the past. that’s a big jump for me cause there was ‘now’ which was very real with events i could experience and REMEMBER and then there was a hazy time where i looked up a stairway. i knew there were people up there but i didn’t see people. i just heard sounds that became clearer as the light became dimmer. someone told me “it’s not because you were bad, it’s training so that you can help people”.i felt super confident and suddenly i fell backwards i woke in that hospital.
i found this journal i started called ‘tallyellowsista’. i’ll read it again to remember what i wrote and how i felt. i don’t remember when i began writing it or when i wrote the last entry. but i think it was cold when i began this and it’s summer now. summer just began.
the arm that could not move at all now moves and that hand can open and close and make a fist. i have seen about three different doctors and started with the last one maybe two weeks ago. he’s traditional chinese and stretches and bends me and the female doctor gave me exercises that remind me a little of my martial arts days. i had a long heated argument one day and told her i had gone to western doctors and they had given up and gone as far as they could go. i thought since the clinic had chinese doctors i would be getting something besides the bending and twisting that all the therapists had done and if that’s all they could do…i don’t remember what my ‘if’ was. she sat with a smile as my brother translated for her. then she taught me about eight different exercises to do with my hands and fingers. all day my arm and hand has been moving, almost as if i were practicing some heavenly kung fu.