I’ll Get It Right This Time

on the last page i was getting ready to write a long story about something. my brother had to get on the computer and when he was done i totally forgot what i wanted to write about.

i was pretty sure it was important,  i think it was talking about the ish that had been happening since my last post. or maybe it was about that last post. i finally had gotten my my mind clear enough to remember starting this journal and that winter was here soon and it had been a while since i wrote. then my brother’s computer froze, the tv went off and my computer was still working fine. he called spectrum aka time warner cable and my computer froze. so 5….25…45..an hour passed. no computer. no t.v.

i started feeling sleepy and closed my eyes. the next thing i was waking up and saw my brother typing. i was glad it was back up, but i was also not glad because whatever it was i had planned to write was totally forgotten. i told myself i wouldn’t go to bed till i wrote something. so i wrote some vague recounting of what i’d been up to for the weeks and months since i’ve written in this journal.

mostly, for these many months, i have thought about brother xu. when i first met him i was about 13. it was not a crush, i just liked him as a big brother. he invited me to the online parties he had and i joined a western sim he was on. then he told me he was in Gor. i followed him there too but i looked like a young man cause they treated women low there and i wasn ‘t having that, even as a game. there’s just nothing fun or funny to me about being bossed by a guy or walking behind him with my head hanging down. in real life i studied kung fu since i was a baby. my dad would practice every morning and i’d copy everything he did. when i was eight he took me as a student and really began to teach me. i



The sun is slowly getting brighter

it’s getting brighter in the morning but getting dark sooner in the evening. we haven’t reached the point of balance yet, still some darkness that is a part of nature and no longer to be feared. the mind is able to understand more.

sometimes it seems i have been away from brother xu for years, sometimes for a shorter time. calendars show that amounts of time have passed.