yes, here i am. many times i thought it was too hard, i had too far to go. i was too wounded. i couldn’t walk. i couldn’t move my arm. i was dumped…well that’s not true. i made an ultimatum and bro. xu was like oh no hell i won’t and he’s been hiding since then. then a few days ago, or a few weeks ago i saw him online. inside i was like, oh shit! it really is him! there was a new picture, and he still looked good. brighter. and more built. he showed me pictures of his baby who was now a three year old little girl. she had a smile like his and looked like a happy little girl. he loved her and i was glad cause i’ve known some guys who never came to terms with a girl instead of a boy.
i thought, “i did it. made it through and we made it through and and we’ll meet other again soon and hopefully we’ll be friends.” then the blurry picture became clearer and i knew that what i’d seen somewhere, sometime, would be true. there was something i owed him, or he owed me or we owed each other. we could pay it now or later. the time to choose had come already, and i chose now. now, in this electric life. this world of eternity and goodbye and hello, i can do what i must do. life is long and i’m babbling, so i’ll stop.