This finish line doesn’t mean I’m at the end of the game or that I’ve “won”. There is no “won” unless we’ve won at a certain stage because the game goes on as long as we live and we always live but some of us don’t know that right away. “The End” is something we learn about very early. As babies we learn that people or toys we love are taken away from us but we learn that they come back to us sooner or later. Sometimes in better shape than when we last saw them, sometimes a little worse for the wear. Sometimes it seems like they didn’t or won’t come back to us. They did or will, but after a long period of time we just don’t recognize them anymore. But we’ve all had the experience of just meeting someone for the first time and feeling we’ve know them before. We can sit and talk with them about things we haven’t talked about with family or close friends and they understand exactly what we mean.
I don’t mean that meeting again means we will always work things out. There is an online person I know, I can’t say “friend” and I won’t say “enemy”. Maybe he is a frenemy. When we first met he came on in a negative sexual way (and it’s always negative if you don’t like someone that way). Then I ignored him. Then he apologized for past behaviors and said we could move forward. That was good. One day i saw him with his dick out while he watched me dance. I thought, what the fuck is this? We had a few words and he explained that it was natural and uncontrollable for men and I figured as long as he didn’t touch me it was not a big deal. Maybe I danced in underpants once, I don’t remember. I did sometimes dance nude in the club in the past to make money so it wasn’t a big deal.
Then one day this girl came to Chinatown, maybe she was dressed like a princess, I’m not sure. He spoke to her nice then he wrote me privately and asked to please don’t tell about dancing privately at his house. I agreed not to tell but I also said I would not dance for him again.
Later when she left he explained that she was just a friend, that he was just keeping the respect that he had for her in her role as a royal woman. I said that’s good but it reminded me that I’m the daughter of the Chinese Goddess, Xi Wang Mu. Also, now I am engaged to Brother Xu. So something is ending and a new way is beginning.
Kuan Yin, I remember you too!