Brother Xu found me! I don’t know how, I just saw him somewhere and we started talking nicely. the world faded away and it was like the year or years passed since I last saw him. I was so glad to see him, there were no expectations just a warm happiness. I don’t know what I said but we talked a long time. And he wasn’t rushing me, he wasn’t in a hurry to go. I told him about this blog I’ve been writing over a year and I gave him this address. When I looked back at this, I was like O.M.G. cause there were a lot of thoughts about him and happy and sad things. Dreams and things I wrote about love or what I thought love was. Now when I look back at what I wrote and said it was childish. But it’s what I meant at that time.

He is nice to me now, such a relief. We can talk and laugh even about personal things. I think he knows now that although I like him a LOT it’s only for this online world cause there is a life and family he has; and a life and family that I am remembering more and more about. I have faded memories someone who is my mother and someone who is younger brother. One day it will be clear. Anyway, I know this is as close as we will get.