Well that night I was just tired. I was struggling to stay up or stay awake. Brother was up till midnight. I stayed up an hour or so longer then I decided to just go to bed. Maybe he would come maybe he wouldn’t but I was too tired to check. Maybe I couldn’t handle one more no show. It’s been two years this time.
I can’t say I don’t care anymore cause I put so much time in this for it to just fizzle like this. Yet, I don’t feel like I did before. I don’t even remember how I felt before. I know I liked him a lot, maybe I loved him. I feel like it’s something I heard about, not an experience I went through. But how could I have been so into him for TWO YEARS and have it just melt away?
Not that I don’t remember him like the people I’ve forgotten. There are some people I’ve totally forgotten. Like a guy who’s been following me around for weeks. He doesn’t really speak but it feels like he wanted to speak. So finally I asked if I knew him. I told him I was in an accident and had lost my memory. Suddenly I’ve begun to remember things or people. I didn’t remember him but I remember his face. And there was something dark about him, or dark about his name. Yet we were and had been on good terms.
Me and Bro. Xu are not over. The connection is there but the tape doesn’t work.